“Can you give me a ride?” she asked. I checked her address (it was close), thought about the class schedule (there is really plenty of time), and gulped. Why is the giving of time so hard to do? The transfer of time from project work to people investment always feels painful to me for some reason. Maybe because being busy on a project feels efficient and at the end of the day, I can look back and see all I’ve accomplished. Relational work on the other hand is hard to measure, hard to fit into neatly scheduled blocks.
And yet I know better. Our motto at Project 658 is “People over Projects”. I’ve been involved in refugee work enough to know that this is also where the real ministry starts. Sewing classes are a place of building community, healing, friendship. Yet if that work stops once class is over, then we haven’t accomplished our goal. True social ties aren’t built on a 10am-12pm schedule once a week. They are started in class, yes. But they are continued as teachers and students talk, share life and learn about each other throughout the week.
At “the Project”, as our refugee friends call the building, we’ve started a new program that goes hand in hand with sewing classes. It’s called Family Connection. And it provides an opportunity for volunteers to receive the training and support needed to continue their friendships with refugee families outside of our regularly scheduled program hours. It’s one of the developments this year that I’m most excited about.
I help manage the Family Connections program. And yet here I was prevaricating about giving my new Afghan friend a simple 10 minute one way ride. Ashamed by my internal hypocrisy, I told my friend, “Yes. I can give you a ride.” Now each week we spend approximately 20 minutes in the car together each week before and after class. And the relationship has grown as we slowly get to know each other, chatting through hand motions and Google translate.
S invited me inside for a meal this week as we arrived at her home after class. I knew this might happen, and had already cleared my schedule. As we went inside, she showed me a picture of a lovely little girl. I asked, “Who is this?” I wasn’t prepared for her answer. “This is my baby. She died in Afghanistan.” I stood there stunned, not sure how to respond. That photo of a sweet little girl encapsulated the hopes, the dreams, the joy of parenthood…and the emptiness of grief. My friend was a mother who is now a world away from her daughter’s grave, and I felt the pain.
I have also lost a daughter. And I know how the sorrow still surprises me, and how I still cry when we visit the grave. I can’t imagine being far away from where my daughter is buried. I shared with her that I had also lost a child, and discovered that my friend and I were connected in a way I didn’t expect when I decided to give her a ride to class. We could relate now on an even deeper level.
People over programs. Following this principle isn’t just so I can be more effective in ministry. It’s also for my own good. If I had chosen to do non-vital program work instead of giving S a ride, I would have given up the healing work God is doing in me. “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” isn’t just about helping our neighbors – God knows we need others as much as (or more) than they need us.
I share this story so that you can think about how God might be calling you. Is there some “busy work” that can be set aside for relationship building? Maybe He’s calling you to spend time with refugees – we have many who would love a friend to come visit them. Or maybe there are others God has put in your life who need someone to sit with them, to talk with them, to be with them. Trust me. It is worth the time spent.